Three's a Crowd? Me, My Partner and My Company

Is your business interfering with the 'life' side of the work/life equation?
By: Aliza Sherman | 05/13/2009


I'm in a strange place professionally. My newly rebranded social media marketing business is going gangbusters, but all of this business growth and success is interfering with the "life" side of my work/life equation. Namely, my husband is feeling that my work is invading our family time. Throw in a toddler who cuts into our "couple" time, and you have a recipe for tension.

My husband used to be a part owner of my company, but that didn't work out well for us. His comfort level with a freelance income was nil, so I eventually bought him out of the company to remove the stress of co-owning a business with a life partner.

Now, our stressor is that I'm spending too much time on my company (according to him) and not enough time on him or the family.

"It is a balancing act every day to keep all the balls in the air," says Katya Tsaioun, 45, president of Apredica, a clinical research organization. Tsaioun's husband, Doug, is a major investor in her company as well as part-time marketing person (he has his own marketing consulting business).

Tsaioun admits to feeling frustrated by the tug-of-war between business and her personal life and relationships.

"Like many entrepreneurs, I feel that I can do everything perfectly," she says. "But reality interferes, and something inevitably has to be dropped or postponed, and it made me very upset initially. Now I know to move on and try harder the next time."

Tsaioun says that planning for personal time helps her with juggle her priorities. "Playing it by ear [the way] I did it at first does not work for me. Personal family stuff starts sliding off the daily routine."

Jennifer Ormond, 39, co-owns Coffee Break Cafe with her husband, a business with four regional locations.

"We are complete opposites when it comes to work," Ormond says. "I want things done yesterday, and he wants to research, wait, look for a different way to do it, and goes very s-l-o-w-l-y! We communicate very differently, too--and, unfortunately for our kids, they get to hear a lot of conversations about work."

Ormond calls herself "an all-or-nothing kind of person," so when she and her husband have a heated discussion about work, she can't just skip to the next topic until they've figured out how to fix the problem. "I can't pretend that things are fine when they are not," she says.

Ormond cites brainstorming sessions and concrete plans as helpful tactics for juggling her relationship and the business.

"We always try to share a meal together, even if it is just a snack at midnight, but mostly it is dinner," Ormond says. "Our hours are crazy, so we think nothing of having dinner at 11. We try to watch TV during that time but usually end up talking and unwinding."

Ormond also says she and her husband used to be strict with the "no talking about business at home rule," but that didn't work out.

Says Ormond, "We both love what we do, so why not talk freely about it?"

For any woman embarking on working with her life partner--or struggling with the never-ending work/life balance--Tsaioun recommends establishing a plan to put your personal life on the same schedule as your business meetings.

"At first it will seem odd, but after a few adjustments you will find a personal solution to your schedule that will help you balance. You will not always succeed, and this is OK."

Ormond's advice is to pay attention to your own needs, too.

"Everything that you read or hear says 'take time for yourself.' I am a big believer in this," Ormond says. "Taking time for yourself and doing whatever is going to make you happy is a must-do. Getting a massage, going for a walk, shopping for a new bag, whatever it is, do it. If it makes you happy, you are a better boss, mom, friend, daughter, etc."

Ormond also advises that you ask for help.

"As women business owners, I feel like sometimes we put pressure on ourselves to know all the answers, but it is OK to not know it all and actually ask for help."

For me, I'm actually pulling out a calendar more often and marking off specific family and couple activities that we can plan for while also trying to stick to better-contained windows of work time. I've tried keeping my computer in the basement home office so I'm not compelled to check it after "acceptable work hours." However, that tactic isn't working yet.

More than anything, I just keep reminding my husband that there is a big difference between a 9-to-5 job and an entrepreneurial adventure, and that the income from my business--especially as it continues to grow--will help us afford many more family-only and couple-only travel opportunities and activities in the near future.

I'm also not trying so hard to find that elusive balance. I'm just happy right now to keep my head above water.

Read Aliza's blog for the husbands' point of view.